“Hmm,” thought I. “A Relig-O-Mobile…interesting….” I decided to investigate.

I walked in behind a young man who looked lost. Immediately, the office door flew open, and out sprang a portly, middle-aged man with a bad flip-over hairdo. He wore a red, white and blue plaid sports coat; a 500 horsepower smile; and a wide tie bearing an image of a smiley-face sun dawning over the fruited plain. For a moment, I thought it was Ned Beatty.

Bounding over to his customer, he stopped and raised his arms like a steeple above his head. The young man’s eyes opened, his jaw dropped, and he remained speechless.

Mr. Portly paused, and then slowly drew his hands toward his heart, straining against his heft to keep his palms together.

“Hello, shalom, salaam, and howdy!” he said. “Welcome to Jondo’s Relig-O-Mobile Emporium! I am Jondo, and I am at your service. Ahhhhhhmmmm….” He lowered his eyelids to half-staff, and his smile to 250 horsepower.

“Uh...hi,” said the young man. “I’m Joe… I’m shopping for a Relig-O-Mobile.”

Instantly, Jondo broke his trance and cranked up the smile again. “Well you’ve come to the right place today, Mr. Joe! What kind of Relig-O-Mobile did you have in mind?”

Joe’s face lit up. “I want a really good one - something that looks old, but feels new. It should be classy, but with an attitude, as well. I want it to be simple enough so that I can improve it myself if I want. I want something that makes me look good and feel good…really good…all the time.

Jondo’s smile was still at full-blast. “Well you’ve just described almost our entire inventory, Joe. Look at this one here, f’rinstance - the Orient Express. On the outside it looks like it’s one of those antiques from the Far East … what with its Asian detailing and all. But under the hood, this baby’s as American as a Jerry Falwell Fundraiser! Knowwhaddimean?” He guffawed, and gave Joe a playful elbow in the ribs.

Joe kicked the velvety tires and dreamed at the car.

But not for long. Jondo grabbed Joe’s arm and led him away. “Now take a look at this piece a’ work over here. We call it the Crystal Cruiser. Quite a beauty, eh? It features ‘Good Vibes’ Shock Absorbers, and that fancy Inner-Energy Power Train.”

“Wow…the Crystal Cruiser,” Joe whispered. “It’s almost like you can’t see it at all.”

“Yup,” Jondo replied. “This one’s beauty is in its transparency and simplicity - and isn’t that what we all want in a Relig-O-Mobile?”

Without waiting for an answer, Jondo marched Joe across the showroom, talking all the way. “Oh, there are more Relig-O-Mobiles I could show you, Joe. Oodles of ‘em, in fact. See that one shaped like a broomstick over there? That’s the Whisk - it’ll sweep you away to a better place. And this one here is called the Rolling Sweat Lodge. Native Americans took centuries to develop it, but they demand discipline and proper use. But you, Joe, you can have it today if you want - no commitment necessary. We call it the ‘Best Bet in Sweat Yet.’ And if you don’t like it…well, heck, just bring back in for a trade-in. Joe, we always aim to please - pleasing you is what we’re all about.”

They stopped in front of a grand doorway, and Jondo suddenly grew quiet and serious. “Joe, we will never presume to know what’s best for you. We feel you have a right to leave us with a Relig-O-Mobile that meets your needs and yours alone. That’s why we created this room - we call it the Build a Better Blessed Buggy Room. If you like only certain parts of the cars you’ve seen, Joe, well here’s the place where you can put those parts together. Why get stuck with a Relig-O-Mobile someone else invented, Joe, when you can have one you made yourself?”

I’d seen enough. As I left, Joe had entered the BBBB Room and was getting frustrated as he tried to put Good Vibes Shock Absorbers onto a Whisk decorated with Orient Express Fringes.

Outside, I paused to look at my car. It looked a little dumpy just then, but that didn’t seem to matter. You see, it was My Car - a car I received it as an inheritance, not as a purchase. Yes, there are days when it behaves well and takes me where I want to go; and there are others when it seems to be trying to get me to where it wants me to go, instead. However, whether I like it or not, I can’t help but think that My Car is the one I’m supposed to have, anyway.

Driving away, I saw Jondo looking down at My Car through the Emporium’s front window. He probably thinks it’s a real clunker.

But The Mountain stood majestic before me. So I gripped the wheel a little tighter, My Car bounced me around, and we left with a purpose. Maybe it would be an exciting day after all.