P'ru U'rvu:  The Obligation to Bear Children
Sermon, October 15, 2004
Rabbi Bruce Kadden

The first mitzvah in the Torah, the first commandment given by God to human beings, is the mitzvah to “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.”  God first speaks these words at the culmination of the creation of the first human being, and then repeats them in this week’s Torah portion to Noah and his sons after they disembark from the ark.

Now the rabbis could have understood these words as directed explicitly to Adam and to Noah; after all, the very survival of human beings depended upon their procreation.  However, the rabbis insisted that this charge was not personal, but universal, one which applied to each and every generation.

But what do we make of this mitzvah today in a world that is, according to some, overcrowded?  Are we still obligated to be fruitful and multiply?  And what about couples who cannot physically bear children and those who choose not to bear children?  How can we assure that they are not stigmatized if it is so important to have children?

It may come as a surprise, that although both man and woman play important roles in procreation, the mitzvah to be fruitful and multiply technically is incumbent only on the man.  The rabbis base this conclusion on technical interpretations of certain passages.  However, Rabbi Elliot Dorff, the Conservative movement’s leading expert on medical ethics, suggests that “the real reason for limiting the commandment of procreation to men…is to be found in the economic sphere.”  He reasons that since men would be responsible for supporting their children, it was against their economic interest to have children; therefore God needed to command men, but not women.

In any case, the commandment means that a man must father at least two children, one of whom is male.  Judaism has considered this number to be a minimum, and has encouraged couples to have more children, viewing each as a blessing from God.  According to Maimonides, “whoever adds even one Jewish soul is considered as having created an entire world.”

And for most of Jewish history, Jews had large families.  We have a genealogy of the Kadden family going back many generations in Germany.  One of my ancestors had 13 children, which was not unusual in previous centuries.

However, in recent years that has significantly changed.  Jewish men and women have married later and have, for the most part, had children a later age.  Some have chosen not to have children at all.  More Jews have also chosen to remain single, something rare in earlier generations.

Rabbi Dorff points out that these factors “combined with assimilation and intermarriage” have created “a major demographic crisis for the Jewish community.”  Indeed, recent demographic studies have demonstrated that the American Jewish community is shrinking due in part to a birth rate far below the rate needed to maintain the current population.

Unfortunately, when this problem is discussed by Jewish leaders, a disproportionate part of the blame for this situation often is placed on young Jewish women who have chosen advanced education and careers instead of marriage and child-bearing.

The Jewish community needs to take a fresh approach to this issue which takes into account both the traditional obligation to bear children and the contemporary realities facing Jewish families.  This approach begins with affirming the mitzvah to be fruitful and multiply, and encourage couples to have children. 

Rabbi Dorff points out that children “are a blessing.”  They “are both our heritage and our destiny, perhaps our strongest ties to both the past and the future.  They connect us to ‘the great chain of being’ and thus give us both roots and hope.”  We must continue to get this message out loud and clear.

And we must create and sustain the community resources to support families and children.  These resources include preschools and day schools, classes on raising Jewish children, and opportunities for young families to get together and support each other.  And these programs must not be at the expense of programs for the growing population of Jewish seniors or other Jewish groups, but in addition to them.

Furthermore, the Jewish community needs to provide more information about the vast variety of technological advances that have allowed many infertile couples to have children, from artificial insemination to egg donation.  For although a couple who cannot otherwise bear children is not required to utilize any of these methods, many such couples do indeed want to bear children from their genetic material.

The Jewish community should also encourage couples who cannot bear children to seriously consider adoption as an option.  “Jewish tradition emphasizes the importance of adoption in creating a Jewish family,” according to Shelley Rosenberg, an expert on Judaism and adoption.  She argues that both the adoptive family and the Jewish community have special responsibilities toward the adoptive child and that the Jewish community should “welcome and support adoptive Jewish families.”

But what about those couples who cannot have children and decide not to adopt, or those couples who for personal reasons decide not to have children, or those who remain single and choose not to have children? 

At one time there was a certain stigma to being childless or single at an advanced age.  It was expected that men and women would marry (a member of the opposite sex) and that they would begin bearing children shortly thereafter.  Jewish parents offered subtle and not-so-subtle pressure, and even members of the Jewish community sometimes offered guilt-producing comments.

Virtually all Jewish parents still want their children to marry other Jews, and still hope to become Jewish grandparents.  And the vast majority of Jewish young people expect to get married some day and have children.  But many do not get married for one reason or another and many do not have children. 

Rather than looking down on these individuals and offering messages that indicates that we don’t approve of their situation, we should accept them and welcome them in our communities.  We should say:  we love and care about you and want you to be part of our community.

Those who choose to be single or choose to be childless can still contribute greatly to the future of Judaism and the Jewish people.  Often, they embrace nieces and nephews or other young family members.  They can teach in our Religious Schools or help support the many programs the synagogue offers for children and youth.  In these ways they can contribute to the survival and thriving of the Jewish community.

The mitzvah of procreation remains crucial to Jewish survival.  As a synagogue and a community, we should do everything we can to encourage and support the bearing and raising of Jewish children.  Every Jewish adult can participate in this most important task which will ensure that Judaism is passed from generation to generation.

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